This was originally posted January 20, 2016 at 2:55 PM on Blogger.<\/p>\n
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When I’m walking somewhere and it looks like I might need some help and, instead of offering me said help people just say things like:<\/p>\n
“You know, it’s a fucking shame, nobody’s gonna help her.”, “Look at her, I feel so bad for people like that. Someone should really do something, I think she’s going to walk into that pole (or whatever object)”, etc.<\/p>\n
For the former comment why don’t you offer me the help since its such a shame? And the same goes for the latter. But it’s as though they think I can’t\/don’t hear them.<\/p>\n
I also hate\u2014as you’ve probably come to realize in some of my past anecdotes\u2014when people just grab me because they think<\/i> I need help. (Please note that think is the operative word.) So it might go something like this:<\/p>\n
I’m walking on a train platform and I,<\/i> know, that while the part of the platform that I’m currently on is spacious, soon it’s going to get narrow; that there’s going to be stairs, escalators, and only a small gap between them and the yellow warning strip. So I might start moving slowly, sweeping my cane in an extrawide arc, or\u2014I walk quickly\u2014so I may continue moving at my pace but extend my cane farther from my body. So, rather than using it to sweep from side to side in front of me, I would keep that motion up, but I would be more focused on making sure I don’t go down the up escalator (that’s happened… many times) or just onto the stairs when my goal is the exit, which is straight ahead.<\/p>\n
So I’m walking and I begin approaching the escalator. Now, I’m not positive that I’m heading that way, I think I see the silver (whatever material that is) that indicates the beginning of the escalator but I’m not sure (I second-guess my vision a lot). But before my cane can touch it to let me know, there’s a swarm of people, usually speaking loudly:<\/p>\n
“That’s the escalator! You don’t want to go down the escalator do you? Miss, that’s the down escalator, you’re not going there.”<\/p>\n
Or my arm will be grabbed.<\/p>\n
“Where you headed, Miss? That’s the escalator you’re coming up to.” (You can also insert stairs wherever you see escalator.)<\/p>\n
Of course, having this information is important to me, especially since the escalator is not where I intend to go. But, you know what? If my cane does go down a step or I feel the ridges of the escalator beneath my shoes, or my cane begins to move because it’s on the first step of the escalator, all I have to do is go around it.<\/p>\n
I completely understand that the people want to be helpful. And I also get that not everyone knows how to go about it. But imagine a day in which, at nearly every moment that you’re outside, at least one person is trying to be helpful. It gets frustrating.<\/p>\n
Now, I rarely ever snap at the helping hands. I’m usually pleasant and polite. But if I say I don’t need help, I will also remain firm about it. Some people act affronted, like I kicked their puppy (which, I’m sorry to say, I’ve almost done a few times) but honestly, how can you insist someone needs help when they say they don’t? Or tell them that they should sit on the bus\/train because it would make you<\/i> feel better? That can come off as a little selfish. You want me (a stranger to you) to do something for you (a stranger to me) because it would make you<\/i> feel better? To borrow a term from my contemporaries: FOH.<\/p>\n
There are also other instances wherein I tell the person I don’t need help, they say okay, but go ahead with it anyway. For example:<\/p>\n
I’m about to cross the street. But I’m a little unsure of the traffic so, though I’m 60% sure that I can cross, I decide to wait, in case that 40% ends up being right. An old man comes up to me, asking if I need assistance crossing.<\/p>\n
“No, thank you,” I say.<\/p>\n
“Are you sure?”<\/p>\n
“Yeah, thank you. Or, you know what, if you could just tell me when I can cross?”<\/p>\n
“Sure.”<\/p>\n
We wait in silence. (Ugh, although sometimes they start talking to me; telling me about problems at work\/with some friend or, and this is my favorite, when they tell me about their best friend’s husband’s mother who is also blind. Yes, I know it sounds insensitive, especially from an aspiring therapist, but, I’m usually trying to get somewhere so I truly do not care. When I’m a therapist, there will be time dedicated just for my patience… but now? Although I will say, some people do have interesting lives, and those stories I don’t mind listening to (provided its told to me in a timely manner). Ugh, but if you smell and won’t go away… sorry, I digress.)<\/p>\n
“You can cross now,” my elderly companion informs me.<\/p>\n
“Thank you.” I reply and begin to cross.<\/p>\n
“You know, I’m actually crossing this way,” my companion would then say. “I’ll just help you anyway.” And then he would proceed to take my arm and we would cross.<\/p>\n
At that point, I don’t even try. I’m just like, “well, we’re crossing, it’s almost over, whatever.” Then I halfheartedly thank him upon reaching the other side.<\/p>\n
There have been other times when the person would just let me go saying, with a laugh, “Boy, you walk fast.” or “You’re much faster than me.” or something to that effect.<\/p>\n
I have friends who get really angry about it, they’ll argue and make a scene. But I feel that you have to pick you’re battles. And again, as stated above, I do get it, you want to be helpful. But also think about your approach. Think of how you may come off. Think about the difference between grabbing and being forceful, and a touch on the arm (to let the blind person know you’re talking to them) and a calm word.<\/p>\n
Sometimes I decline help because of the approach. And I’ll hope for or try to find someone else that seems less… volatile (for lack of a better word).<\/p>\n
I’m compiling a list of other things that bother me. And I’m also trying to find a different title for the future posts so that my stealing from Family Guy isn’t quite so obvious. But this seems attention grabbing enough.<\/p>\n
Also, I know I keep saying I’m back then I disappear again. But, this disappearance was significantly shorter than the last (two or so weeks vs. an entire semester). I’m also taking a winter class and that’s been pretty… intense. But I’ve scheduled some posts to post at points this week. And I think I might try for only one post a week, on Saturdays, because well, one is less daunting than three. And then if I throw in any more, it’ll be a pleasant surprise to you all.<\/p>\n
540 page views… pretty damn awesome. Now if you guys would just start throwing in a few comments on my posts… that’d be even better.<\/p>\n